Love the Way You Lie

start at the beginning

I have recently taken part in a thread online discussing the music of Eminem.  I always find the perspectives of others interesting.  In this particular thread, however, the judgement hit home.  Eminem was personally judged as needing Jesus, and his music was judged as being dark and glorifying crime and the poor treatment of women.  One song in particular was mentioned more than once:  "Love the Way You Lie".  When I pointed out that this song is about domestic violence, it seemed that some in the thread then understood, but for others, the judgement just kept coming . . .


"Bringing 'awareness' to domestic abuse and violence is pretty much the same as bringing 'awareness' to cancer.  I doubt there is anyone in America that isn't aware of either of those things."


Did she really just compare domestic violence awareness to cancer awareness?  Really?  Because I've never known of an artist to get this kind of heat for recording a song about cancer.  And yet, a song about domestic violence?  It's too dark and glorifies the poor treatment of women.


Let me tell you why this song is so powerful . . .  It conveys a truth about domestic violence . . .

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie Lyrics

• Songwriters: A Grant, H Hafferman, Marshall Mathers

• Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
• Have you ever experienced a burn where cold chills wash through your body . . . over and over . . . 
• And you just ache for anything to bring relief?
• It's that kind of pain, except it radiates from your soul.
• Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
• I can't imagine one would consciously acknowledge "liking" the hurt, but it does make you wonder . . .
• Afterall, I stayed and kept going through it . . . again . . . and again . . .
• Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
• Oh the tears . . . so many tears I've cried . . .
• Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie
• I listened to the lies.  I accepted them.  I embraced them.  I loved them.
• Because I so desperately wanted to believe them.
• 
  
• I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
• And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
• I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
• As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
• The fights could go on for hours . . . days . . .
• 
  
• High off of love, drunk from my hate
• It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it, the more I suffer
• I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
• She fuckin' hates me, and I love it
• When he was angry, he definitely seemed to be on a high. 
• And the more his anger was fed, the uglier it got. 
• How many times did I hate him?
• And how many times did he love it?

• Wait, where you going? I'm leaving you, no, you ain't
• Come back, we're running right back, here we go again
• How many times did I walk toward that door just to be pulled right back in again?
• Because it's like a black hole, and it just keeps sucking you in . . .
• It's so insane, 'cause when it's going good, it's going great
• I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
• And that's the rub.  Because when things are good, it's like a relationship high.
• And that high, and the thought of that high, trapped me in hell . . .
• Until the flames licked so high that hope turned to ash . . .
• 
  
•  But when it's bad, it's awful, I feel so ashamed
• I snap, "Who's that dude?", I don't even know his name
• I laid hands on her, I never stoop so low again
• I guess I don't know my own strength
• How many times did he lay his hands on me?
• How many times did he seem stunned that he'd hurt me?
• How many times did he say he'd never do it again?
• He loved me . . . everything was going to change . . .
• 
  
• Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
• Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
• Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
• Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie
• 
  
• You ever love somebody so much, you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
• You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'em
• Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
• Now you're gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
• And all it takes is one second . . . one . . . 
• to go from breathless love to the crushing pain of being abused . . . again . . .
• 
  
• You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
• Now you're in each others face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
• You push, pull each others hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
• Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're in 'em
• How long did those moments last for him?
• Because for me, those moments still linger . . .
• 
  
• It's the rage that took over, it controls you both
• So they say you'd best to go your separate ways, guess that they don't know ya
• 'Cause today, that was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
• Sound like broken records playing over
• Yesterday is over.  Each day begins anew.  
• And today is going to be the beginning of a new life.  Without abuse.  
• Oh the lies.  The sweet lies . . .
• 
  
• But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
• You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game
• But you lied again, now you get to watch her leave out the window
• Guess that's why they call it "window pane"
• And now that I'm finally out, it still hurts.
• It hurts me.  It hurts him.  It hurts me that I hurt him.
• I wonder . . .  Does it hurt him that he hurt me?
• 
  
• Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
• Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
• Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
• Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie
• 
  
• Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
• And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
• And even though you vow that this time is gonna be different, it's not.
• Old habits are hard to break, and relationship patterns so easy to fall back into.
• But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
• But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded
• And as time goes on, and you're hurt again . . . and again . . .
• You start picking up habits from your abuser . . .
• And your abuser will use that against you . . .
• And try to convince you that you're the same . . .
• You're NOT.
• 
  
• Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me
• Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
• Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
• All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
• And while their rage makes them powerful, they are weak,
• And when they feel like they're losing you, they will beg . . .
• 
  
• Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
• Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
• Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
• Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
• And in that moment, they are so sincere.  
• And we believe the lies they tell us.  
• The lies they tell themselves . . .
• 
  
• Next time? There won't be no next time
• I apologize, even though I know it's lies
• Did he ever realize that his apologies, his promises were lies?
• I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar
• If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'ma tie her to the bed
• And set this house on fire
• A fire?  A gun?  Does it matter how?
• I'll never forget his words . . .
• "I'm going to kill you, Abigail.  I'm going to kill you and everyone in your family."
• 
  
• Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
• Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
• Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
• Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie
• I love the way you lie

Perhaps now you can understand how every verse of this song, nearly every line, touches me personally . . .

The last comment in the discussion thread?

"The talent is obvious, so is the NEED for Jesus.  That is all that was stated in the original post.  My spirit has always felt heavy when I've heard his music.  I know he's had a rough life, but we ALL have a story."

So many insinuations here.  Because he sings of dark topics he needs Jesus?

How do you know he doesn't have Jesus?  Who are you to judge that?  Because my writing here is laced with darkness.  And I admit, I need Jesus.  Thank God that I long ago accepted him as my Savior.  And He has been my rock, my only resting place through this hell.

The insinuation being that he should not share his (or someone else's) story.

I've lived the story in this song.  Should I not share my story?

Why?

Because it's dark?

Because it makes you uncomfortable?

Because guess what?  It makes me uncomfortable too.

I LIVED IT!  I LIVED in this hell!

People need to hear!

Others need to know they're not alone!

Others need to know that they can walk out of this hell!

Others need to know that their abusers DON'T have all the power!

You can choose not to listen; you can choose not to read; but do not suggest that my story shouldn't be told . . .  

Because we ALL have a story to tell!

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Home Sweet Home . . .

start at the beginning

October 8, 2011.  This was my first night back in my own home.

I left on August 19th, the day I had Jim served with divorce papers.

And now, here I was, seven weeks later, sleeping in my own home.

A lot happened in those seven weeks.  I stayed the first week with a friend to see how Jim would deal with the situation.  Then, after the first week, I felt safe enough to move in to my parents' second master suite.

The home we shared is rented.  Due to some conflict between Jim and the landlords (to whom I am close), Jim was evicted.  He had until October 7th to get out.  He moved the last of his things October 1st.

I spent the next week sifting through the wreckage of the remnants of our life together.  The collapse of our life, such as it was.  The desecrated ruins of what should have been, but could never be . . .  Lots of bittersweet moments, with tears that never fall . . .

But, I am a planner, and I wanted nothing more than to have my life back.  So, I started a list of things that I must replace.  Immediately.  You'd be surprised how quickly all the little stuff adds up.

In any case, by Friday, October 7th, I was ready to begin.  My locks had been changed, and Jim was keeping Sam until 6:30 Saturday evening.  So, I cleaned, and I purged, and I rearranged.

I found it very cathartic.  I threw a decade of pain and anger into everything I did.  I swept and mopped.  I moved furniture around.  I sorted the clothes Jim left behind, and trashed the things I deemed no good, and gave the good stuff away.  I wanted this to be MY home, not the home we'd shared.  And, though I'm sure there's still plenty of pain and anger lurking in the shadows of my soul, I found something else . . .  Hope.

So, October 8, 2011, Sam and I slept our first night in OUR home.  It wasn't completely cleaned.  It wasn't completely how I wanted it.  But, it was changed enough.  It was ours.

I woke that first night, in the middle of the night . . . and opened my eyes to see the space where my husband's head once lay next to mine, to discover I have a new bed mate.

She has slept with me every night since . . .

And now, to share MY home.  I won't bore you with pictures of the Kitchen, Dining, or Bath.  They're boring and nothing has really changed in there.

I don't have befores, but here is my Master Bedroom.  The layout is the same, but Jim took the dresser out of this room (it was cheap and full of his stuff), and I replaced it with the small dresser that had been in Sam's room.

Yes, I know you're all jealous.  It truly takes a special kind of talent to make drapes out of unaltered bed sheets and an entertainment center out of a small chest, two milk crates, and a 19" CRT TV.  Thankfully I have found that talent!  No, seriously, I'm just working with what I have, and for the moment, this is what I have.  As for window treatments?  I rent.  I plan to build in about a year.  I don't plan to waste money on window treatments that will not transfer to my new home!

And, here is Sam's room.  Once again, no befores.  The layout is different, and I replaced the small dresser that was in his room, but is now in mine, with the taller dresser that used to be in the living room.

Now I really need to finish his Cars blanket and pillow case to match his curtains!  Oh, and please note his rocking horse and car ramp that used to be in the living and dining rooms are now in his room!

And now, drum roll please!  I haven't had a proper living room in six years.  Six years!  The rental we lived in after we lost everything in a major natural disaster was just too small to squeeze anything other than a glider rocker into, and the living room in what is now MY home was too full of Jim's boxes of junk for me to do anything with.  I kid you not, Jim had that much junk in my living room!  I have previously shared this pic with no one, as it was too embarrassing.  My living room with Jim:

I know!  But, what could I do?  It was all his stuff!

I am now one week in to having this home as mine.  One week, and nearly $600 in furniture later, THIS is MY living room.

Work to do?  Sure.  I'm moving that small table under the TV next to my recliner.  I'm moving my hope chest under those windows, and when I can find a great price on a 30 something inch flat panel LCD TV, I'm going to move this one to my bedroom and ditch the 19" that's in there.  Last but not least, I do promise I will do something so we aren't looking at aluminum foil covered windows!

So, that's it.  MY home.  A place that is now full of hope and love.  A place where dreams grow.  A place where I can breathe.  A place where I can heal.  Home. Sweet. Home.

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