One Step . . .

start at the beginning

Many moons ago, Jim and I sought counseling together . . . for the second time . . .

I never felt able to be completely open and honest about the abuse in our relationship at counseling, because Jim was sitting right there.  So, we only talked about the things that Jim seemed able/open to talk about . . .

And they were things that needed talking about, but no real progress was made . . .

Counseling quickly went by the wayside, as Jim felt the counselor was "siding" with me, or more aptly, against him.

I suppose when you're wrong and refuse to admit it, counseling might feel that way . . .

So, we stopped going.  We were supposed to begin counseling with someone else, but as you might imagine . . . That never happened . . .

During a "crisis" moment I called our counselor to speak with him about said "crisis", and I was finally honest with him . . .  It was my first time to ever speak to him alone . . .

Me:  "Jim can sometimes be very verbally abusive, and it has on occasion become physical."

Counselor:  "I know."

Those two little words are were so powerful.  They conveyed to me that my abuse is not so invisible as I imagine, and I am not crazy . . .

Since that conversation - we spoke at length about the situation at the time - I haven't had any professional help in evaluating the mess that is my life.

Today I called.

Today I made an appointment.

Today I took a step toward help.

I don't know where counseling will lead.

I don't know how often I'll go.

But I know it's a step in the right direction . . .

And I will continue plodding along . . . one step at a time . . .

next post