I Choose to . . .

start at the beginning

I've been struggling with a LOT of mental anguish over the decisions I must make.

It would just be SO much easier if I weren't making them alone.

Yesterday I told Jim I wanted a divorce . . .

Not in a confrontational way, and by phone.

He says, Really?  You'd be good with getting a divorce?

Yes, I would.

But, he won't agree to one.  If it weren't for Sam he'd do it, but he's NOT going to be without his boy.

I tried telling him that he could still be very involved with his life.

His response?

I can't even consider that due to my concern for Sam's safety and well being.

Yes, you read that right.

I take care of my son I'd say 95% of the time (and I think I'm stretching it to give Jim 5% since he's rarely alone with him), and he's never had a serious injury in his life.  I mean, really!  He's never even worn a band-aid and he's two and a half!  But, Jim doesn't trust me with the safety of our son.  Of course, he doesn't trust me with anything, even though I'm a highly intelligent, highly responsible individual, so this should surprise no one.

In any case, though he agrees that we could both probably be happier with someone else, he's making the best of it for Sam, and I should too.

He's sucking it up, and I should too.

This conversation essentially went on frustratingly like this for a good 30 minutes.

Now, however, it's as if it never happened.

Outside of an occasional hinted reference he'll make to it, nothing.

He is, however, treating me like gold.

It comes down to this.

He isn't going to help make a dissolution easy, so I have two choices.

I can choose to be happy in my current circumstances, or . . .

I can prepare for what will surely be a fight.

And when I come up swinging, I hope he realizes, he made me what I am . . .

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